


Closed off

by schrijverr



Category: Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Hurt Jake Peralta, Hurt/Comfort, Panic Attacks, Post-Prison, Supportive Amy Santiago
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-22
Updated: 2019-05-22
Packaged: 2020-03-09 18:15:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,846
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18922432
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/schrijverr/pseuds/schrijverr
Summary: Jake accidentally gets locked into the break room while everyone is away. It triggers a panic attack, but luckily Amy is on time to save himSweet ending





	Closed off

Jake was fine, totally and completely fine, accept that he wasn’t.   
It was something stupid, something that would normally be no big deal, but right now it was. It had been a normal day Charles was on a case with Rosa, Gina was still on maternity leave, Terry was free, Amy out on break while Holt had an appointment for the Commissioners position and Hitchcock and Scully were napping in their room. Normal and safe, something that Jake cherished ever since he had gotten back from prison. All of that was ruined when he wanted a snack and entered the break-room, the break-room with the old lock. 

He casually got his snack and walked back to the door, but when he tried to open it he found that it was locked, well not locked, stuck. He jiggled the door, but to no avail. It wouldn’t budge. As he tried harder his breath started to hitch and an uneasy feeling crawled up his chest. He was now frantically pulling at the handle and banging on the window, but no one was there to help him.

His breathing was turning into hyperventilation as memories of solitary flashed in his mind. He knew what was happening, but he couldn’t stop it. Ever since his dad left he had panic-attacks, they had calmed down a lot as time went by, but all the stuff that had happened gave him enough trauma for it to start again and prison had been the final tipping for his mental stability. 

He forced himself to look at the time, the clock blurred but he was able to figure out that Amy would be back in 15 minutes. He huffed some more and thought: come on Jake, 15 minutes is nothing. Amy will be here soon and all will be fine just 15 minutes. This is not prison. I am not in prison. He started to repeat that last part in his head, but it didn’t work. The panic and the feeling of being stuck alone crawled further up his body into his throat squeezing his airway close.

He weakly hit the door again, but all strength had left him. He crumbled to the ground at curled up into a ball on the floor. The coldness of the tiles seeped into his bones, reminding him of solitary. His breathing was now so uneven and irradiate that it felt like he wasn’t even breathing at all. He let the panic and memories take him, fully losing himself in terror.

~

Amy was not amused. She was out getting her and Jake a nice lunch when a call for a perp had been made that she was closed to. So she had given up her nice lunch and arrested the bastard who ruined it. She was now bringing him in while grumbling. 

She brought him to the holding cell while she decided that she deserved her cup of coffee. There was no one her to stop her anyway. She sighed when she saw the break-room, the stupid lock had become stuck again. She quickly undid it with a few twists that had become routine. 

She opened the door and almost fell. She looked down and saw her boyfriend lying on the ground in a fetal position, at first she wanted to comment on how childish it was to wait and scare her before it hit her that he wasn’t doing that at all. No, Jake hadn’t jumped up to scare her and he was smiling his goofy grin at her either. Something was wrong, very wrong. She dropped down and heard his breathing pattern, it was not good. 

Immediately she went into worry overdrive as she tried to remembered what she was taught in a seminar she had gone to a few years ago. She said in a soothing voice: “Jake, can you hear me? It’s me, Amy. Can I touch you?”

There was no answer and Amy went through the steps in her head: 1) stay calm, OK she could do that, just even breaths and a steady heartbeat, 2) stick around, help the person ride it out. Panic attacks last from 20 to 30 minutes, oh god, how long had Jake been on the ground for, all alone and panicking. She tried not to think about it and 3) stay positive and encouraging. Cool, she just had to do that. She could do that, just follow the steps. 

Jake shuddered next to her and she sprung into action. She put her hand on his shoulder softly and quietly said: “Hey Jake. Want to tell me what caused this?”  
He flinched from the contact, but tried to focus on her face. She plastered on a smile and asked: “Do you want to go outside for a breather? Can you walk?”  
It took a while before her words came through and Jake frowned while he thought about it. The he chocked out: “Outside. Not walk.”  
Amy nodded hers and said: “I’m going to get a desk chair, OK? I’ll be right back. It’s OK.”  
She kept on saying variations of “It’s OK” until she was back at his side with the chair. 

She hesitated and asked: “Babe, can you get on the chair?”  
His breathing was still hyperventilation, but it was getting better. He held out his hand and she got the clue and helped him on his feet. He then dropped into the chair unceremoniously and slumped down.  
Amy started rolling the chair to the roof exit while breathing in a calm tempo, urging Jake to follow her example. He tried with heaving and shallow breaths, but they were getting there. 

Once she opened the door Jake almost dropped out of the chair from relief. He didn’t, instead he shakily got up and took three steps before collapsing in the open air.  
He was lying on his back looking at the open sky and breathing in the outside air. Amy sat down next to him and grabbed his hand. She squeezed it and he squeezed back, which left a small smile on her lips. She just held his hand as the minutes ticked by and his breathing calmed. 

When it finally did she asked: “Want to tell what happened?”  
Jake lolled his head so that he was facing her and said: “Want to, no. Is it a good idea, probably.”  
That answer surprised her, she had expected him to repress everything and move on, but it seemed like he was willing to talk. She stayed silent as she waited for him to continue. 

Jake took a deep breath and started talking: “That was a panic-attack, you probably know what that is. I, uhm, I had these ever since my dad left, but they’d gotten better over time. Like, by the time we met they were almost none-existent, but then the mafia happened and they came back a bit, Florida didn’t help at all, so that sucked and I guess that prison made everything even worse. So, yeah, sorry I didn’t tell you. I didn’t want to worry or burden you.”

He looked at her with a soft and guilty look in his eyes that made her heart break for him. She quickly assured him: “Oh, Jake, you don’t burden me at all. I love you and you can tell me these things. I want to help. I don’t burden you with my stress, right?”  
“No, no, no, of course not, you can’t help them and it’s no issue at all.” Jake said.  
Amy smiled and said: “Well, these panic-attacks are the same.”  
A realization dawned on him as he nodded and smiled and whispered: “Smort.”  
That made her laugh. They locked eyes and looked lovingly at each other. God, had she missed those sweet eyes and this beautiful person. 

Jake looked back up to the sky and motioned her to lay down next to him. She hesitated for a moment and then decided to screw work and followed his lead. They laid down and looked for the sky together in silence for a minute, then Jake breathed out again and said: “I got triggered by being locked up again. That’s what caused the attack. I just wanted a snack, but then the door got stuck and I felt like I was in solitary again and I just couldn’t handle that, you know.”  
Amy was shocked, he hadn’t talked about prison since he got back and he deferentially hadn’t told her that had been to solitary. She tried to process this new piece of information and to figure out what to say. In the end she asked: “What did you do to get in solitary?”  
Jake shrugged: “I spit in a guards face.”  
Amy shot up and said: “You did what? Why would you do that?”

Her mind was racing with reasons and explanations, but she couldn’t find any that fit with the Jake she knew. She was pulled out of her thought spiral by Jakes hand on her arm. His face was closed off, but he still looked like she was his rock and very cute. He then said: “Drop it, Ames. I had a good reason that I’m not ready to tell you yet. Maybe later.”  
He smiled a small smile that she returned. 

He opened his arms and she lowered herself to his chest and let herself listen to his steady heartbeat. He was here and he was safe, there were things to worry about later, but right now she allowed herself to feel secure. She closed her eyes for a sec and just let everything wash over her.   
After a few seconds of silence Jake was poking her. She opened one eyes and asked: “What is it?”  
“I love you, Ames.” he said.  
“Love you to, idiot.” she whispered back.  
He smiled and said: “Lets get beck to work, I believe our break is over.”

Amy was on her feet in seconds already worrying over small things and about the fact that someone might have seen her and thought she was slacking off. Jake smiled and put his hand on her shoulder, while looking her in the eyes he said: “Ames, babe, calm down. It’s fine, you were on break. We’re gonna go back and be awesome, OK?”  
She smiled back broadly and said: “Thanks, lets do that.”  
He pumped his fist and yelled: “The power duo back to the desks, whoop whoop.”

Amy shook her head fondly as she followed him back inside. Before they could reach their places, however, she heard Jakes stomach rumble and she immediately facepalmed. “Oh no!” she exclaimed, “I totally forgot your lunch. Should I get you anything? I’m so sorry, Jake.”  
Jake gave her a small push and said: “It’s no big deal. I think walking outside to get something will be good for me. Go back to your work.”

She nodded gratefully and understanding. Then she looked as he disappeared off the stairs, no confined spaces just yet. She made a mental note to talk to him some more about this and to start a binder.


End file.
